You know what really grinds my gears? Volume III


Matt Merlino, Assistant Lifestyles Editor

Okay, so I’ve been told that a lot of my previous ‘Grind My Gears’ may make me out to be a bit impatient, but let me assure you, that is not the case.

Let’s be honest here, if people didn’t have anything to complain about, the world would probably explode. We all know that everyone can be judgmental about certain things, but it is the situations that are completely unnecessary that really get me going.

…You know what really grind my gears? LeBron James.

Now, I will never claim to be a fan of the NBA or any basketball players for that matter, but I am very passionate about sports.

LeBron James is one of the best athletes in the world; there is no denying that. But the fact that he had to be carried off of the court due to cramps with seven minutes remaining in Game 1 of the NBA Finals, and not return, is a bit pathetic.

Rich Peverly of the Dallas Stars collapsed on the bench due to cardiac issues during a game, but wanted to return.

Come on now, Bron Bron (SNL reference, anyone?), you don’t have to put your blame on an air condition failure. Every woman experiences monthly cramps.

ESPN UPDATE: NBA Finals – Mother Nature leads series 1-0 over Heat.

All right, so before we start this next one, I’m going to set up a little scenario for all of you. Imagine this… You’re sitting at a nice restaurant trying to enjoy your dinner, and what do you know, a family with a small child is seated right next to you.

…You know what really grinds my gears? When that little kid jumps up and down and yells god only knows what.

…You know what really, really grinds my gears? The parents who cannot handle the situation.

My god! If you are yelling for your child to stop, you are being just as obnoxious as they are.


Excuse me, Richard, why don’t you take your own advice and stop yelling yourself? Does your yelling accomplish anything at all, sir?

No. So just stop.

Now the obnoxious kid is crying, trying to bring attention to himself for sympathy.

I don’t feel sorry at all; you brought this upon yourself kid. You should have behaved in the first place.

But the best part about this situation is when the parent can tell that their kid is really annoying someone (me) in the restaurant, and they attempt to apologize as they are leaving.

“Oh, I’m sorry if our son was of any annoyance to you during your meal.”

No, he was fine… didn’t notice him at all… (as I type this very segment on my phone).

…You know what really grinds my gears? Episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants after 2006.

I’m sorry, I was a huge fan of SpongeBob in the early years (and still am), but the newer episodes are just so, so, so bad.

Patrick Star is not supposed to be intelligent, or have any common sense for that matter.

“Is this the Krusty Krab?”

“No, this is garbage.”

I want to see the real Patrick.

The Patrick that thinks a chocolate bar is simply a rectangle.

The Patrick that forgets what his parents look like.

The Patrick that questions if mayonnaise is an instrument.

The Patrick that desperately wants to take your hat, sir.

The Patrick that just blew in from Stupidtown.

Here’s a potential bright spot for old fans. Stephen Hillenburg, the original creator/writer of the series (who resigned from his position after “The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie”) is set to return to his original role for the movie’s sequel, “SpongeBob Squarepants 2,” set for 2015.

“I’m Ready!”

…You know what really grinds my gears? The placement of the Detroit Red Wings captain patches on their jerseys.

Every NHL team has the ‘C’ or ‘A’ patches on the left side of the respective players’ jersey.

Every team except the Red Wings.

Why do you have to be different Detroit?

Why are you so special that you get to put the Stanley Cup patch on the opposite side of your jersey than everyone else?

Well, except the Rangers, who have been donning a god-awful shoulder patch for the Cup Finals this season…

Until next time, folks, this is what grinds my gears.